Last summer I had a nervous breakdown. I'm proud to say this. Most people that suffer with the condition I share with them suffer in silence, lashing out at random times and/or commit suicide with no notice and, for whatever their reason, never get help. I knew I was in trouble and wanted to get through it! I'm a tough chick: which is part of my problem. I was tired of suffering in silence and lashing out like a lunatic. Since my treatment began, I am so much better! I wrote a little story about how I felt. Feel free to comment!
The Bottom of the Well
Before you know what is happening, you are drowning in a deep well. You've spent so much time holding onto the edge, punishing yourself and barely hanging in, that when you finally let go, you are in a place you are trapped and alone. The relief of letting go is immense but the pain lingers. Darkness envelopes you and you don't or can't find an appropriate response. You're terrified.
Initially, you take time to evaluate your fall, examining the peace the letting go has created. And then it sinks in: you need to decide what you need to do. Are you going to save yourself and find a way to climb out or are you going to let yourself drown?
From the bottom of my well, I looked up and saw the stars. Beautiful, shining stars and knew what I had to do. I was taken into a care facility where, after several days, I found other survivors of the fall. I knew I had help; I could-and would-make it out! I found strength in people I was surrounded with. After hearing their stories, I reached out and climbed up. My hand was held by people who knew how to navigate the hard climb back. When they needed me, I reached for them.
I finally made it back to the light. I'm no longer in a death grip holding onto a slippery edge but standing tall, vigilant of the edge that is always close.
I'm still reaching, still striving and constantly avoiding the tripping stones that could lead me back to the edge. I made it out of the well!
**Thanks to those who help with the climb! You know who you are and I STILL appreciate you!
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